If you're one of the people who know exactly what they want and how to get it, go away! I don't like you!

Or, to be more accurate, I so envy you. How do you do it? Figure out what you want, come up with a plausible plan to get it, and then succeed? I mean, with all the choices we have in this world, and the limitations of being human (huwat?! kunwari daw philosophical ako ), how do you know just what you want to have?

I think I'm one of the most indecisive people in the world. Seriously. I didn't know where I wanted to study college, didn't know what course I wanted to take, still don't know what to do with my life, and yeah, it could just be a quarter-life crisis thing, but this lack of talent in decision-making extends to even the simplest things!

I said a year ago that I wanted a computer for myself, and so I started saving money. I have a nice amount saved up now, but I have no idea what to buy! Do I buy a desktop? A laptop? And what are the specs?

When my cousin bought himself a camera last year, he spent nearly 9 months dreaming of having that specific model in his hands. He even downloaded the manual before he bought the camera! He was that decided on buying it, and only waited that long because that's how long it took him to come up with the money for it. But for me, despite having asked my friends (and my brother) endless questions on which computer to buy, and thinking about it for several months as well, I still don't know what I want!

And no, I don't know what I want to eat for lunch either, or what to wear to the office tomorrow, or whether or not I should cut my hair, and which haircut I want in case I do decide to get it cut. Heck, I don't even know which one is my favorite character in Hana Kimi, or which is my favorite F4 member (yes, after 7 years, I'm still undecided  I don't even like/see/listen to them anymore, but it's frustrating not to have a memory of who was my favorite), or what my favorite color is. I mean, I used to like blue through and through, but then I began to like red and pink and black and white and green and orange and purple and brown (sometimes). And I don't have a favorite song, favorite artist, favorite movie, favorite book... It actually takes me a long time to answer surveys and stuff because I don't know what to answer to them! And if you follow my other blogs (at least the active ones, like my livejournal), you'll know that I keep changing the layout/theme every once in a while. In fact, the only reason I don't do that to this blog, is because I've made the text grey (which is also another favorite color of mine, btw), and it would be hard to change the color for all the entries if I choose a layout/theme that isn't gray-friendly.

My friend says my indecisiveness is because I'm so afraid to make mistakes. I don't know what to choose because I'm afraid of the consequences in case I choose the wrong option. If I choose a computer, and it turns out to be a bad computer, I'll hate myself too much for having spent money on it. And I really feel bad when people tell me they don't like my choices either, like if they say they don't like the model of the cellphone I have, I'd feel really stupid for choosing it. Maybe I care too much what other people think. And having done that for most of my life, now, I have no idea what it is that I honestly, really want.

Gosh. Decision-making is hard, yeah?

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I'm crabby.

And when I say "crabby", I mean, I keep snapping at people who don't deserve to get snapped at.

It's because I'm in a bad mood. I'm not really sure why. I have a few ideas, but I wouldn't want to bore you with them, so suffice it to say that I'm just not in a great mood lately, and that's why I'm so sensitive (and insensitive to others).

And I'm writing this entry for the people who I snapped at, and said some weird things to (that they don't deserve).

I'm really sorry. I'm in one of those moods that make me act stupid. I'll try to snap out of it soon. Sorry.

Right. I was planning on posting something on the 29th because hey, it's that day that only comes every four years! But unfortunately, I wasn't able to get my hands on a computer yesterday, and I didn't want to cheat by changing the post date of this entry (because you know, blog authors can do that :P). As to why I wasn't able to get my hands on a computer, it's because yesterday, I was sick.

S-I-C-K. Sick. Those of you who know me personally, I'm sure, will tell me that I'm always sick (in the head) anyway, but seriously, I had a fever yesterday, and had no energy to do anything but sit around at home, and watch House reruns. I thought watching people sicker than I was would make me feel better, but it didn't. As it turns out, water and good ol' Vitamin C still did the trick.

Actually, I'm still feeling quite sick at the moment. My throat is itchy, and it takes very little for me to get dizzy. Add to that the fact that I have a quiz in my Japanese class this afternoon, and it makes for a very nauseated me. But what I feel most badly about is how when Thursday night, I and my officemates went to Friday's (You know, TGIF, the restaurant) to celebrate two of our officemates' birthdays, I ate baby back ribs and pork chops and shrimp and mashed potatoes, only to throw it all up the moment I got home.

"At least you won't get fat," my mom said. And I'm thinking, yeah, that's what I'm concerned about. :P

Gah. I hate being sick.

In other news, my former co-teacher Honey gave me a virtual gift over at her blog.

Isn't that sweet?

Thanks, Honey!!

Rules:

Answer the questions below.
Do a Google image search with your answer.
Take a picture from the first page of results.
Don't copy the answers of the person who posted this before you.

1. The age you'll be on your next birthday: 24

2. A place you'd like to travel: Venice

3. Your favorite place: Japan

4. Your favorite food: Chocolates

5. Your favorite animal: Giraffe

6. Your favorite color: Red

7. First name of your significant other: Not Applicable

8. The town in which you live in: Las Piñas

9. Your screen name: miriyammqx

10. Your first job: English Tutor

11. A bad habit you have: Tactlessness

12. Your worst fear: The Future

I'm obviously rediscovering Rivermaya, hence my 3 consecutive posts about them. Pasensya, minsan lang naman ito.

Anyway, just wanted to share... I brought my Tuloy Ang Ligaya album to the office today so copy the songs to my computer (No, I won't upload them to the internet). And when I opened the case, I noticed that I wrote my name and the date I bought it on the cover. It's nothing unusual really, as I normally do that to everything I buy (usually books), but this time I even wrote the day I bought it (Sunday), and the branch I got it from (Tower Records, ATC). Vaguely remembering that there was more to this album than meets the eye, I spread out the entire cover (with the lyrics on it), and turned it over, and discovered that it was autographed!

That's when the memory came rushing back into my head, clear as day. I was coming home from a project my blockmates and I worked on in Pampanga, and while still in SLEX, I got an SMS from my friend saying she was going to the Rivermaya album launch in ATC. She said that the band would be there, including the new members, and that there would be an autograph session afterwards.

So instead of going home, I went straight to Tower Records, met up with my friends and we bought ourselves a copy of the then new album -- Tuloy Ang Ligaya. It came with a free Rivermaya poster, and yes, this was also the time when they would give Pulp Magazine for free whenever you bought a CD from Tower Records. Anyway, we waited a few minutes until the promoters of the event came and said that they'd be giving freebies before the band got there.

For the prize of an autographed poster, they asked the crowd who would be able to show them the highest top score on the Snake game. (Yes, this was the era where "snake" was the coolest cellphone game ever! :P) And mine just happened to be 3428 (or something like that, basta more than 3000), so I won the poster. :)

Eventually, the band came and performed some songs from their new album, not missing the carrier single Umaaraw, Umuulan. But the one I liked best at that time was Imposible. It was the first time I saw Rico Blanco up close (Tower Records is a relatively small place, and there weren't that many people that day), and Mark Escueta, and the then new band members -- Kakoi Legaspi, Mike Elgar and Japs Sergio. I asked them to sign both the CD cover, and the poster that I'd gotten for free from buying the album. My friend even asked them to sign the page where the article about them was, in Pulp Magazine.

All in all, I came home with one autographed CD, two autographed posters, and new excitement for the new Rivermaya. We eventually decided to give the extra poster as a gift to another friend (and a fellow Rivermaya fan), and I kept the other one in my closet (right next to my Takeshi poster :P).

I guess it's really just a normal autograph-signing event, but that was my first time to ever get anything autographed, and just remembering it makes me feel giddy again. That was a really nice day. And I missed that time when I was passionate about an artist.

And yes, I still like Rivermaya until now, but I have to admit, I'm not that excited to jump on the jeepney that'll take me to their gig. I want to see them, but I wouldn't go out of my way, like I had when they launched the Tuloy Ang Ligaya album. It's got nothing to do with Rico Blanco no longer being in the band or whatever obvious reason that Rivermaya has changed, but more to do with how those fan girl moments are really as fleeting as any other feeling there is in this world. But I'm glad that like everything else in this world, there is something that can make us go back to that point in time, and make us feel what we've felt, what we've forgotten how to feel, or perhaps replaced with something else. I kind of get now why some people like music so much. :)

No, this isn't an analysis of their music. I'm no music expert. Gusto ko lang mag-share.

Right now, someone in the office is playing the Cutterpillow album really loudly. (Okay, not really, but it's loud enough for me to hear, even if I'm a few work stations away. I don't even know who it is playing it.) And just for kicks, I'm tempted to play the Trip album really loudly, too. Para kunwari mid-90's ulit, and nagtatanungan tayo kung sino ang Hip Hop at Metal.

Don't get me wrong. I don't have anything against the Eraserheads, in fact I really love them, too. But I really had fun during the time when they had the rivalry with Rivermaya, and I would defend Rivermaya as if it was my own band. Hehe. Wala lang. Para may conflict. I mean, it would've been boring if I'd just agreed with all the Ehead-lovers right? Even if I loved them, too? :P

I guess I'm just really missing them. Both bands, I mean. And sure, Rivermaya is still around (I even just said something about their new album in the previous post), pero 'di na gaya ng dati na dalawa silang magaling na band na parang nagcocompete (Well, hindi naman talaga. Feeling ko 'yung fans lang ang nag-cocompete talaga :P). Ngayon kasi, pumapare-pareho na ang tunog ng mga bands, tapos 'yung mga hindi naman pareho (like Up Dharma Down), masyadong iba, kaya hindi mo ma-compare. There's no band that really stands out, or rather, there are no two bands that really stand out, kaya wala masyadong rivalry, walang competition. Kung meron man, korny. Like, ano, mag-a-argue tayo kung sinong mas-pogi kina Champ (Hale) at Kean (Callalily)? No thanks, matutulog na lang ako. (Kasi obvious naman na mas-pogi si Kean 'no, haller!? No contest!! Hehe. :P)

'Yun lang naman ang gusto kong sabihin. I miss being passionate about OPM. Unlike before na mayroon talagang songs that rule the airwaves, ngayon, kung meron man, marami at a time. Or kung isa lang, foreign artist naman. Wait, 'yung Narda pala ng Kamikazee, ganun last last year, but it's not the same kasi wala man lang kumalaban sa song na 'yun. 'Di parang 'yung Ulan, na kasing sikat lang din ng Magasin. 'Yung mga tao alam 'yung Narda, pero 'di nila alam 'yung Lunes, o kaya 'yung... See? Wala nga ko maisip 'eh.

Tama na nga. Ano bang alam ko sa industriya na 'yan? And by the way, tinigil na rin niya ang pagpapatugtog ng Cutterpillow, Changes in My Life na'ng naririnig ko ngayon ("These are all the many changes..."). Great, and I thought he/she had good taste in music. Oh well. I guess I'll just go back to work.

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Nagtri-trip lang ako. Unfortunately, I can't find a nicer picture in the computer I'm using, and even more unfortunately, the other magazine covers (TIME, National Geographic, etc.) didn't fit as nicely as this one did. So kahit walang koneksyon sa pets 'yan, 'yan 'yung pinili kong cover. Ahehe. Oh well, the point really was just to try it out. :P

Try n'yo rin. Aliw. I was able to waste 15 minutes just looking for pictures, and choosing which magazine cover looked best with it.

P.S. In case you're curious, this picture was taken in Harajuku, Tokyo. I'm holding a Y500-worth bag of cotton candy. :P In fairness, masarap naman. :) And yeah, I kept the bag as a souvenir kasi Dragon Ball. :)