There are some events that I look forward to. There are some reasons for me to face the day with a smile. There are some things that motivate me to keep on moving forward. Only, I'm not sure if I want them. Because once you begin to care, it's when you begin to hurt.
I'm sure that a lot of people have done it before me. Numb themselves so they don't feel any pain. And though people keep telling them that it's better to get hurt than to not feel anything, they shut their ears and only believe what their own minds tell them, what their own experiences have taught them. Because if we ourselves do not learn from our mistakes, who else will benefit from it? And why should we apply to our lives the lessons that other people have learned, when our lives, although interconnected, are all still completely different from each other? It's all relative, right?
I do feel a quite happy whenever it's late Saturday night. For some people, Saturday night is all about going out and having fun in some interesting place. But for me, the high point of Saturday would be coming home, from a long day, and then talking on the phone about it. Lately, our telephone has been so busy on Saturdays, that I get to talk to 2 or 3 people within an hour. And all the conversations are quite long. It actually gets pretty stressful, especially when the topic is something serious and I really have to think about what to say, but there are times when even the serious things are fun. The conversation is light and effortless. It's as comfortable as lying on your bed, while cuddling your favorite stuffed animal. You're not really sleeping, but it's the kind of rest that does you good.
I wish I could stop worrying that my life will eventually run out of such instances. I wish that instead of thinking about when the good things will end, I could be completely in the moment, enjoying every second of it. That way I can look back on it with a smile and say that even for a few seconds, I was in absolute bliss.
The next question to ask would be if it's all worth it--getting hurt in the end, for a short while of joy. Most people tell me that it is. But I'm still not quite convinced. What if, you're content with mixed emotions? You're half-happy but you're also half-sad. It's very possible, and there are many things that evoke such emotions in people. Graduation, for instance. Or perhaps leaving home and starting a new life in an interesting place. And isn't the way to live an effective life is to maintain good balance?
Sometimes the things that other people say are so contradictory, they confuse me so much that I think that we should just stop sharing our opinions altogether and just listen to our own voices, without considering what others think because it's how we honestly feel, that matters. But then my own mind contradicts this kind of thinking and then I realize that you can't really live life like that because one way or another, we're all going to have to interact with each other, and have our lives intertwined.
The more I think about life, and the world, the more confused I get. Instead of getting answers, I come up with more questions, and then eventually I just give up and say, "What's the difference in knowing?" It's not like you can really do anything about how things are. I mean sure, you can change your own life, but only to a certain extent as you can't stop the world from turning, the sun from shining, and let's just pretend I wrote more poetic statements on this part.
Maybe there is something to be thankful about in relation to how the world is constantly changing. That when something ends or is taken away, you can at least be sure that there'll be something new that will come along that you may also like. And maybe just the thought that there will always be something in the future, and life will always go on, is enough, for people to always have something to look forward to.
Now up, review for You Are the One.
By the way, CONGRATULATIONS to me as this is my 200th blog entry! XD
Posted at 15:28 by miriyammqx
