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Wednesday, February 22, 2006
... that I have right now, that makes me think that not having someone to be in love with, isn't so bad after all.
I guess maybe because I've been spending too much time by myself, that's why I suddenly feel sick of being alone, or maybe because I haven't found enough moments like this in the past months, years...
But what I read from my friend's blog, just puts my feelings to shame. Somehow, knowing that someone is in love, and in a really good way, without all the trivialities, commercial-ness and superficialities that other people put into it, knowing that someone has found it, or has yet again, felt the real thing... It gives me genuine happiness, because right now, I don't feel envious or sad about how I'm not in love, or how, the feelings I think I have don't amount to anything compared to those of the people who feel so much that they get to put their feelings into words, and come up with brilliant and inspiring stories, songs, or whatever else they can make with their talent.
I haven't really been writing anything that makes a lot of sense lately, and perhaps it's because I'm a little devoid of feeling, despite the so-called claims and accusations of my friends that I'm in love. Now I'm confused as to what to think about this feeling I have.
What does it matter if you figure out whether you're in love or not? It's not like you can change how you feel. What if you suddenly realize that you're not really in love? Will you be able to stop your heart from pounding faster because you think your feelings just aren't as intense as those of most other people who are in love? I've long since realized that love has no standards, no rules, and what you feel are just that--your feelings, so you can deal with them in any way you want, despite what other people, psychology experts and friends alike, say. And yet... Somehow... from reading a part of my friend's blog entry and seeing his description of love as this really big thing, I feel as though something is missing from my emotions.
Certainly, I feel different whenever a certain person is around. But is it as different as the grandeur feeling of love? Or am I yet again, just reading too much into little things, clinging on to something that isn't there, simply because I haven't found anything new, or better, to cling to? But then, it's not as if I like him even less than I used to. I still feel giddy, and somewhat uneasy, but in a good way, whenever I think of him, except, I don't think it's as much as I could feel. But if it isn't, then does that mean that he's really not the person I thought he was to me? Does this mean that I actually feel even less for him, than I originally thought or made myself believe?
Love doesn't have to be like anything, I know. It's not absolute, and there's no criteria for it. And I guess it really wouldn't matter whether you can confirm or not if you're in love. But somehow, I get to thinking about myself and my emotions, which just don't seem strong enough. Have the walls I've built using my cynicism, hopelessness, inferiority complex and pessimistic views, to protect myself from pain, really been built that thick? And all this time, I thought I wasn't really building walls, and just putting up this front that I was. Although, I noticed that lately, it's also been harder for me to cry. Has my wanting-to-be-tough-exterior really worked and so well, that it's seeped into my interior? Or is he really just not the one? Scratch that, I know he's not. I just, never thought that my normally stubborn mind might actually consider that he really isn't.
I still like him, that's for sure. But there are times that I feel like this... happy... and, in love, but not with him. Not with anyone.
Posted at 15:26 by miriyammqx
 | | | piolo&judai
March 2, 2006 09:05 AM PST
whuat????! labooo | |
| | | mmmqx
February 28, 2006 09:56 PM PST
@brando: hindi ako galit!! hindi!! hindi!!!!!!!
hehehe jk. :P | |
| | | brando
February 28, 2006 05:57 PM PST
eh bakit galit ka ata!?! waaaah! pish tayo :P ^_^ | |
| | | mmmqx
February 28, 2006 05:04 PM PST
@brando and amomynous: it is NOT a phase!! | |
| | | brando
February 28, 2006 01:14 PM PST
aw.... i believe that we're on the same boat. i too am feeling that way, doubting myself, building walls around myself, having tons of insecurities, etc, etc... i too am comforting myself with the usual "dadating din yan" attitude as well as the "there's always someone for everyone" saying.
sometimes the things and memories that we try our best to hide deep within our minds re-surface and pull us down into depression and misery. also, sometimes we try to expect too much from someone to give you something that you have been longing, what it is and how long have you been searching will only be yours to answer.
anyway, i do hope that you'll go through this "watcha-ma-call-it" phase so when you look back you'll just laugh at yourself
^_^
daan ka na lang sa blog ko para matawa ka naman :P masyado ka ata "tsiryus!"
:P:P:P | |
| | | trish
February 24, 2006 12:37 PM PST
hmmm..... | |
| | | lessa
February 24, 2006 12:02 PM PST
ida! ida! hehe. | |
| | | amomynous
February 24, 2006 08:46 AM PST
click on my name.
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| | | elinia
February 22, 2006 06:07 PM PST
We look forward to the future that much that we feel happy/sad/whatsoever emotion in the most unexpected way with the most unexpected weight and in the most unexpected time.
Maybe it's because we extend our faith into the consolation of the future "meron din tayong mahahanap"
That itself fuels us to live and to fall in love with uncertainty :p
did i make any sense?
Anyway, grabe ha serious??? :))
Nga pala yung intro mo parang yung sa Moulin Rouge haha | |
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Ida /ee-da/ n. 1. Born on September 17, 1984. 2. Likes people to greet her on her birthday. 3. Loves reading books but hates buying them and always prefers them as gifts. 4. Has a sudden liking for mysteries. 5. A little too obvious when hinting for presents.
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Quote for the Time Being "Practice makes perfect."
"Nobody's perfect."
"Then, why practice?!" :P
Links Sources on the Yasutoko Brothers Goodskates, Inc. - the Official Website of the Yasutokos - contains news about the brothers schedules, message, accomplishments, and also information about their family skatepark in Kobe, Japan.
Yasutoko--Aggrist! - Korean fan site about the brothers. The text is in Korean, but pics, videos and music are great! And if you look back far enough in the guestbook, you'll find an entry from Eito Yasutoko himself!
Bikes, Boards, Blades Website - one of the most interesting (and I think most accurate) articles written about the Yasutoko brothers. A little old, but still a good read.
Sk8Mag.de - interview of Takeshi Yasutoko after winning the gold medal in the Redbull Highrollers Competition 2003. (Site is originally in German, hope this link from Google translates to English directly.)
Watch Them Fly - Exclusive Interview with The Yasutoko Brothers - interview with the Yasutoko brothers when they went to Malaysia in 2002. (Courtesy of X-Fresh Malaysia, an on-line magazine)
Takeshi Yasutoko conquers the Asian X-Games! - about Takeshi's 98.25 and plenty more info on the Asian X-Games 2004. (Again, courtesy of X-Fresh Malaysia--it's such a nice website)
The Sun, Rising, Jumping and Spinning at High Velocity / Who Says Men Can't Fly? / Awaiting X-Games X / Double WHAT?! / Re-vert / How I Wish... / All in the Family / Growing Up... - my entries with links regarding the Yasutokos Bloggers... zee rocks ...
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My Other Sites Wala Lang!
fanfiction.net
Fiction Press
.products of imagination.
...between trailers...
+Ed is On+
**nocturnal screen
Dokomademou Ikou More Other Sites ...ang mahiwagang turron...
...EXPN Website...
...Asian X-Games...
...ESPN TV Schedule...
...Japanese Language Tutorial...
My Favorites The Result of Boredom and Obsession - my first entry. why I decided to create a blog.
Who Invented Blogs? - discussion on my fascination with blogs
Coming Clean, Theory and Back to the Obsession- an attempt at an explanation on why I'm still single.
I don't have a title for this one and that's okay - the freedom of the internet
Sense of Relationship - why some people remain single all their lives
Start - how I got obsessed with the Yasutoko Brothers in the first place
Is Fate With Me Or Against Me? - read how I met Takeshi Yasutoko in person, and how it saved my life (or, maybe it's more the opposite--you decide)
Science of Love - how "talking about love is like dancing about architecture."
I'm Wishing on the Sun - Can stars really make wishes come true?
Out of Character - how sometimes even your closest friends can surprise you
Where Can You Find Romance? - an attempt at grasping reality in Metro Manila
Back-to-School Blues - I don't have to go to school anymore!
I Should've Seen Filipinas Instead - discovering Mikel Campos
Recommended Fanfiction - I love fanfiction. Here are some of my favorites. Please check them out!
Change - It's hard enough to be yourself, why try to be somebody else?
And I'm Back - an account of my experience in Singapore and Bangkok
More Reasons to Watch Local Television - on Hero Angeles and Sandara Park
Minor de Edad at Walang Trabaho - musings at the hospital
Sleepwalking - some people can be dangerous, even when they're asleep
Follow Up - an update on Mikel Campos, and the link to his Candymag interview.
Mail Call - I got my diploma on Friday the 13th!
Yet Another Obsession - lyrics to Drake Bell's song "Girl Next Door"
I don't have a title again - Drake, Orly, and irritating cellphone servers
Creepy Coincidence - Is it really possible to be 'one of a kind'?
24 - countdown to my 20th birthday
Surprise! - a birthday surprise
Birthday Season - the advantage/disadvantage of September
Now Do I Have a Life? - one busy week
Which One's the Cutest? - Drake Bell and his cute puppies
The Last Man Standing - "I think therefore I'm single."
Risking Friendship - How many friends do you lose when you get into a relationship?
Missing - the winter camp brought about just one feeling
Environmental Complaints - why can't people just throw trash properly?
Irrelevant Information - what I'm interested in
Mind Over Matter - stubbornness works!
Three Day Weekend - review for the Korean Drama Full House
Ito Na Ang Update - after a brief hiatus...
Insatiable? - Man is insatiable. I am not.
Cue Girls Swooning - the start of an affection for Daniel Wu
4-Day Forecast - paano ba dapat malungkot?
FF7:Advent Children - a film worthy of the name Final Fantasy
Something There - Edison obsession
Hunter x Hunter - astig si Hisoka!
Comics Among Other Things - Blitzworx is finally out!
Ito Na Ang Orange Range - jpop/jrock/jrap? basta astig sila!
The Ida Precision Test - in case I ever get kidnapped by aliens...
2005 Review - just what the title says
Just Because I Was Tagged - something I refuse to list down
This is the Last Time... - moving on? Or just moving?
Busy Busy Busy - cosplay, UP fair and J-Pop at the Shang
It is this feeling... - Do you really need someone to fall in love with, to fall in love?
Happy Meals - Missing, Take 2
It's Gotta Be the Hair - and so starts the Abarai Renji obsession :P
Moving Forward - Change. It's constant.
The IDA Curse - See my true power! Hehehe. :P
On Meeting People - I hate meeting new people.
TV Series on DVD Killed the Hollywood Star - because Hollywood movies are getting suckier by the minute
What I Miss the Most - the only thing I miss about college
A Rather Late Account of the Komikon 2007 - Mangaholix 3!
Into the Woods and Another World - aftermath of a broadway musical and an anime convention
5 Days in Palawan - available in bookstores now! LitsPamaypay - a Filipino short story, set in high school Nicholas Was... - a short story about Christmas by Neil Gaiman For Ragnarok Addicts - Neil Gaiman's technology-addiction-related poem, " Virus" Heart Attack - just a bunch of pick-up lines related to heart problems A Tail of Two Kitties - writings that suck, but are funny nonetheless Juvenile Poetry - poem by my friend from HS While Waiting Alone in the Stock Room - my 100th entry! just some musings about life. Unfair - why can't people just feel the same way? Bumalik na Alaala - time heals all... "wounds" Sasayaw Kayo? - when someone's wearing the same color... Jeepney - libreng pamasahe? Pagmumuni-muni sa Daan - araw-araw akong naglalakad mag-isa. Gusto Kong Sumikat - tulad ng araw... Boracay Night - the beach isn't as romantic as everyone thinks Ang Ganda ng Kalikasan - nature rocks! Musings on the Road - English version? :P Rain - isn't the rain just so poetic? How Much? - how much can a person feel for another? On the Way, In the Way - an attempt at at Renji/Rukia fanfic Laughing and Smiling - irony of feelings? Bookworm in Distress - or maybe, damsel in distress in a bookstore. Time Flies - trying my hand at poetry (yet again) A Beginner's Tale - fooling around with TalecraftReviews Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
The Burglar in the Rye
Alamat ng Gubat
Wander Girl
Boy Meets Girl
Parman
Kikomachine Komix Blg.1
Watchers
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah Ze Musikal
Quiz Results & Stuff 
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| How to make a miriyammqx |
Ingredients:
5 parts intelligence
5 parts humour
5 parts joy |
Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add lovability to taste! Do not overindulge! |
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